Mountain Guide Jokes:
What do you call a mountain guide without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
How do you get ten mountain guides into a closet?
Tell them they can live there.
How do you get them back out again?
Tell them that they have to pay rent.
How do you know the mountain guide at the party?
Don't worry, he'll tell you.
Other Funny Climbing Related Things:
You might be a Mountain Climber if...
1. You own a $75 dress suit and a $1000 Gore-Tex suit.
2. You have ever frozen your lips to an ice screw while blowing an ice plug at your partner.
3. You have ever used an ice axe to chop weeds in the garden.
4. You have more summit pictures than wedding pictures.
5. You've ever had icicles hanging from any part of your face.
6. You've ever fallen so far that you've run out of adrenaline before you ran out of rope.
7. You say "Namaste" instead of "Hello."
8. You like the smell of burning yak dung.
9. What you call cold is not on the thermometer scale.
10. When you hear the words "nose," "captain," or "aid," your hands start hurting and swelling.
11. You arrive at a climbing gym with stoppers and cams still in your bag.
12. You hear the name "Hillary" and think about Everest instead of the Secretary of State.
13. And finally, you understood all the previous lines. If you laughed at any of these lame lines, then you should definitely get back to work.
--Most people get to the top of a climb and pose for a photo. This is a great piece on the many many different photogenic and not-so-photogenic poses of climbers after they've summitted.
--Some people write some really dumb comments on the Forest Service Comment cards. To read some of these, click here. My favorite is, "a small deer came into camp and stole a bag of pickles. Is there any way I can get reimbursed?"
--Jason D. Martin
